Appointment

Bob is off the rest of the week and he's on his way home now but our holiday can't really begin until this appointment is over.

Oncology, 4pm.

I'm nervous. We're getting test results from some pretty serious labs that were drawn a couple weeks ago. I don't think there will be any surprises, I just can't help being a little afraid.

Worst case is that they'll need to put Bob on the schedule for another bone marrow biopsy right away. Which, if that's the case, it's good news really because we will be verifying remission. Being in remission so soon is a huge victory and evidence that Bob is responding well to the treatments. But it still makes me unwell to think of him going thru that again.

I wish there was a way to feel so confident about the remission that the biopsy wasn't necessary at all. I'm also hoping the liver tests come back good. Until two weeks ago we didn't know we should be worried about Bob's liver function but evidently it's a small concern.

I just want it over with, past tense, with all good news so we can take a deep breath and start enjoying the holiday week.

Will update again once I know something. Watch for twitter updates if you like. I'll do what I can.

Gripe

So I finally wrote and sent my disgruntled customer letter to Sam's Club corporate office. I waited until I wasn't furious (and didn't have to sing in mere hours) and could really put some thought into what I wanted to say.

Basically Bob & I went to Sam's to get some photo prints made to frame as Christmas gifts and because we bought a new camera there recently we had a coupon for 75 free 4x6 prints.

I used 20 of them and then was told that I couldn't carry over the other 55 for another time. It was all or nothing. I could forfeit 55 or I could pay for my 20 and get 75 another time. Also, I'd have to renew my membership (about a week expired) to ring up my 'free' prints. That pissed me off but I really came undone when I turned around and saw that the camera we just bought was now $51 cheaper.

So many retailers now-a-days will give price adjustments with a receipt. Luckily I had my receipt along to show proof of sale to verify my free prints coupon. When I asked about the adjustment I was shot down. So I went to the service counter counter and asked for a manager where I was met with resistance because the CSR wanted to call the manager on my behalf. Since I can fully speak for myself I insisted that the manager come forward to speak with me.

But it didn't matter, he was already turned off by the phone conversation he had with the CSR and he didn't care that we were good customers and I just wanted what other retailers already offer. However, per Sam's Club policy, and he confirmed, even though I couldn't have a price adjustment I was still within my 90 days to return the camera. Yes, I could drive home and get it and drive it back up, return it and rebuy it and get my $51. That was okay, but not the alternative with my receipt in hand.

So I promised to go over his head (he had pimples.. I was pretty confident I could throw a rock and find someone over his head) and I did. Ironically, while I was scouring the website for a corporate email address I also had time to search out my camera from other retailers. Lo and behold, it's $70 less than I paid right now at Best Buy and $100 less on amazon dot com. In a nutshell, I can return the camera to Sam's and then rebuy it somewhere else and make an even bigger profit. OR I can sit on it another six weeks to see what those holiday sales bring and possibly save even more. Because that's better than Manager William offering me a $51 price adjustment on the spot.

I also left behind the 20 prints of Bob's mom & dad at the photo counter. It's a nice photo, I sure hope everyone enjoys them!

So I put all of that into my email and now I wait to see if anyone gives a crap. Even if they don't I have options. I'm absolutely sure I want to own the camera but a $50-$100 refund is a nice perk. Plus if Sam's Club no longer cares about customer service why should I remain loyal to them? HUH, SAM'S??

In other news- I talked to dad yesterday about the baby that wasn't meant to be and got some interesting info. He & mom also made us an interesting offer. One that comes with many pro's & con's and will take some serious thought to sort out. Will get to that soonly.

Lastly, next time we talk, remind me to tell you about Uncle Jerry (not *my* Uncle Jerry!) okay? The story is unfolding as we speak and will hopefully turn into a fine Christmas prank with our neighbors.. because I'm in that MOOD.

Now back to my knitting. It's taking a little longer than it should ... (see below.)

Really inhibiting my dishcloth progress

Another example of too much help.

She's a good girl... most of the time.

-- Post From My iPhone

Grump

Sam's Club did me wrong tonight. Like, really wrong. I'm still furious and I'll be drafting a letter to the corporate office to plead my case...

tomorrow.

Why?

Remember when my dad had his cardiac event and went to the ER in an ambulance? Bob and I were the first to arrive at the hospital. Second to arrive was our Pastor, who spent two seconds checking in at the ER window and then turned to me and asked if I would sing at church on the 22nd.

Talk about an opportunist.

Somehow this event turned into a duet with my sister He1d1, who can sing on key but sings wayyyyy differently than me, with little feeling and holds her microphone like a bar fly, but anyway, we're singing together in about 12 hours and now I have to go to bed early on a Saturday night.

Thankfully the song is short and the crowd is generally forgiving. I'm just ready for it to be done. Wish us luck. I'll come back tomorrow and give you the Sam's story. Dirty rotten bastards Grrrrr.

Grr.

'nite.

Shine

I've been looking forward to today all week. Phew#2 has a basketball game we're attending (FINALLY that child has aged into the group where all games start after noon...) and from there we are heading out for our first official day of Christmas shopping.

I'm armed with lists and coupons and comfortable shoes and I am rrrrrearing to go.

The sun is out today. It's been a week since I've seen it.

Hope you have a great Saturday.

Gray

I haven't be in the greatest form the last couple days. Thursday was especially ugly. It's not anything I can't overcome it's just been hard. I know there were a lot of red flags in regard to the potential adoption. I know I wasn't feeling very warm about it in the beginning. But then I started getting attached to the idea. It wasn't going to be easy but after a lot of thought I realized that it was probably my very last chance at motherhood and no matter how high the hill to climb it was worth it. Even though it didn't feel exactly right I had become intoxicated with the thought of having a daughter. There is a big court date this coming Monday and it would have simply been a matter of paperwork and time after that before she could have been a part of our home. I'd rehearsed the announcement to the family during Thanksgiving over and over; telling my sisters at my house and telling Bob's mom & dad at theirs. I could feel it. I could taste it.

And then it all came to an end. I know we probably sabotaged ourselves. I don't think the grandparents ever expected a potential couple to come into the meeting with their own stipulations. We walked in with reservations, questions, and demands of our own. Maybe we weren't starry eyed enough. Maybe we weren't easy enough. I've spent most of today feeling not worthy. I never really knew if we'd ever try adoption as an option for us, but now that we have and failed it's hitting pretty hard. I'm not opposed to another adoption in general but I am opposed to thousands of dollars and years on a waiting list and I seriously doubt there'll be anymore babies falling out of the sky. I've officially failed at everything motherhood related. That's hard to come to terms with.

Related: I have a partial vial of one injectible drug still left in the fridge and I'm going to use it. I don't have the other drug we usually couple with it and I don't even know how much drug I've got. It's a total Hail Mary pass but I can't sell it and I can't throw it away so I'm going to inject it just because. Tonight when I tried to use it I couldn't tell if any of the medicine had actually dispensed. I've used these metered pens many times and it didn't feel right. So I did it again and it didn't feel right then either. So I removed the vial and installed it in a different pen and it worked. Basically, I've either taken in one dose or three and I don't even care.

In a ploy to force me out of bed Friday morning I've got ten loaves of bread, five packs of dinner rolls, tens packs of butter and five whole chickens in my fridge that I'm taking to the local food pantry as a donation. Despite all my tears and failures I'm still very blessed to have a home with food in the fridge and money in the bank and it's the least I can do.

I'll let you know if I ever hear anything further about what happened with the baby that wasn't meant to be. I asked dad not to drill the grandmother for info but they do work together and he has ears. I'm curious and I imagine you are too.

Christmas shopping this weekend. It's something to look forward to; I need that right now more than you know.

Light

As I mentioned last time I'm trying to add some new items to my Etsy store... holiday fundraising and all that.

I'm not sure if I've posted a pic of this necklace before or not.

Since we got the new camera Bob and I have been experimenting with photos and technique and white boards for reflection and how to use a flash to brighten the subject but not wash away all the natural tones, etc etc.

Today was not a good photography day. Gray skies and no sunlight all day long. This is the only decent pic I got and it took some manipulating to get it here.

Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter, in every possible way.